恼人的过去，我讨厌你！

I thought I had loooooooooong forgotten my hurtful past, I thought I had just managed to overcome the fear of facing reality, I thought everything has been running smoothly for me....

I geared up all my energy to face this challenging year with all plans and activities lined up ahead...

Just as I thought it will run smoothly... The painful past started to hunt me back! Is this one of the effect that I have stirred up since I have been chatting hard core-ly to expiate my negative karma? I think sooo……

Last Friday, I felt that I have overcome the fear of travelling to the T place... (well, bcos the T place was somewhere I never want to step into since 3 years ago after that r/s.) During December last yr, I was approached to do make ups for some cast show running in March. I immediately accepted it but was told a bad news that the event place is at the T place.

I was mission-ed to travel to the T place every weekend to do make up for the shows. At the start of it, I travelled there fearing that I might bump into him, his friends or his families. I wore sunglasses and walked discreetly so as not to catch any attention! When days passed by with so many joyful chanting that I have put in, I feel that I have recovered, I have put down everything and I am ready to face the music, anytime and anywhere.

Moreover my prayers have been fulfilled... that is to overcome this fear and I did!

Therefore, I wrote blog dedicated to my ex to thank him for making me a better person and I mean it. I made it as the full stop for the memories I had with him. I felt that I am fully geared up to tackle whatever that comes to me....

Then, the very next day..... While doing the make up with the group I am in, I chit chatted with one of the ICs during breaks. We found out that we have got common friend... that common friend is no other than ex's sister! That IC is a very good friend of his sister too... Upon knowing that, it’s like a needle poking the tyre... haha.. pong chek half way!

Memories, memories, memories rushed into my brain vigorously that night... But I did recover my senses quite fast! I was okay, up and alive the next day!
But this did not last looooonnng till another hurting past came up again... when they don't come... they don't come at all.. When they come... damn! They came in BIG BULK!!

Just now as I was reciting my gongyo, my mum came into my room and was eager to speak to me. She told me that she met one of my colleagues back in the sales days. That colleague no longer work under that boss anymore, encountering the same treatment as I had 4 yrs ago where I broke ties with other colleagues at that time due to the backstabs I suffered from the boss. This colleague very much wanted to connect with me again and urged my mum to get me to call her for catch ups. (I am still deciding whether I should contact her or not.)

She also told my mum that another colleague also left because of a similar issue. The next thing that I am worried for are my long time friends who are also working there - LH & SK. I hoped they are spared from all these.

Again, I was left thinking about the painful past tonight....still stunned by the fact that the colleagues had also left the organisation.

I know that I can overcome this (thinking too much) for sure with such high life force that I possess now. I will chant more to quickly expiate away the negative karma and so they will not keep floating out and making me pounder thoughts over it.

I will also put in prayers for LH and SK to be spared from all these and that colleagues to have a healthy and happy life.

Although I can recover easily but I hoped that these encounters don’t happen again… I don’t like it… : |